Are you Living or Dying?

 

            Wow things can change in a nano second!  I knew that when I had my car accident and near death experience in 1981 (See my book HELP! I’m Trapped In a BODY!) http://www.esateys.com/prodDetails.php?ProdID=9

I also knew it  when I received the phone call that my sister had died in her sleep at age 54 and when I watched my mom take her last breath as I held her in my arms. She was 67.

            Do you ever take the time to really appreciate each moment?  Many of us get invitations to reconsider our attitude and our perception but most of the time the invitation is never opened. It is just so easy to take life for granted and just focus on survival.

            During the car accident my face went through the windshield resulting in smashed sinuses along with 150 stitches in my forehead etc.

            Since that time I have had chronic sinus issues (stuffy, poor air exchange, infections etc.)  About 1.5 or 2 years ago I had an intuition to go have a specialist check it out.  I had the thought that I had some scar tissue blocking my ability to breathe properly.  The ENT doc was not too impressed and suggested that I could get a CT scan done if I wanted to.  I decided not to (can’t remember why) and just continued to live with the symptoms.

            In March of this year I heard a strong message (that little inner voice) that said, “Go get a CT scan of your sinuses.”  While visiting my doctor for a routine physical I told him that I wanted to get a CT scan.  He asked me why.  I told him my thinking and he said, “fine”.  I was leaving for India just a few days later so decided to have it done when I returned.

            Shortly after returning (Monday, May 19^th) I went in and had the scan done.  I had never had a CT done before and only knew what I had seen on TV.  When I was working full time in medicine I was in private practice and not hospital savvy. They have apparently updated some of the machines to be like big fire hoops. Well that’s what they look like to me.  The one they used on me was about 12″ thick and circular like a huge ring.  There was no long full, tube thing that your body was inserted into.  The whole thing took about 3 minutes and I was off to go shopping. 

            My doctor who is an Internist is very slow, methodical and loves to teach.  He spends an hour or more with you when you visit him and you feel ‘heard’ and educated when you leave his presence. He is not easily riled and seems to be non-plused about everything.  He reminds me of my dad in some ways. 

            My dad was a Family Practitioner and he loved to explain why everything was the way it was.  He spent time with his patients and they loved him because he cared so much for them.  Medicine usually trains you to be calm and pretty non-reactive.  People expect caring but not drama from their health care providers.  Both my dad and Dr. S fit the mold perfectly.

            At about 4:30 on Tuesday May 20^th (the day after my CT scan) Carol the secretary for Dr. S called.  She asked me to hold for the doctor. I knew this meant something was up.

When I was in practice, the lab results came in each afternoon. I would check each one carefully.  The normal ones were filed in the charts. The abnormal reports were separated into 2 piles.  One was urgent.  Call now. The other was call within a day or so. My CT scan had made the ‘Urgent call now’ pile. 

As soon as Dr. S spoke I noticed his blasé, calm attitude was not so apparent.  I could tell he was attempting to be cool but there was a nervousness about his demeanor.  No hello, how are you, instead he bluntly blurted, “Esateys you have a big tumor in your sinuses.”  I said, “What do we do next?” His hurried reply was, “I need you to come in and see me tomorrow.”    Carol popped on the phone and said, “Can you be here at 11:00 AM?”  My instant reply, “I’m there.” made it clear this was a priority to me too.

More Tomorrow

One Love

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